Reader Response: Boyfriend Beware of the Girl Who Reads

A response to this entry, as one reader/writer.

Are you sure you’re not drunk? I’ve read enough young adult literature to beware of boys like you who come up to nerds like me.

Just so you’d know, the glasses are not a signal of desperation, it means that I can see well enough to scrutinize you.

Still there? Stubborn, aren’t you? Fine, pull up a chair. But make it quick, I’m just about to get to the good part.

So you want to date a girl who reads. Why now?

Well.

I like that you’re drawn to my mind, but there are risks involved that rubber stoppers won’t be able to save. Yeah, I am swayed by the power of the written word. I will swoon and look for that certain something more. I crave the fantastic that is only perfectly achieved in fiction. That’is why I wear glasses and have no time to do much with my hair outside of washing it. My pillows are moot, I sleep on pages.

Can you imagine what it will take to sweep me off my feet? While I read, I am on the lookout for what the next chapter will bring. As much as I want to be surprised, I’m also eyeing what might be in store. A book and I embark on a mental race. I know it’s a worthwhile read when it doesn’t beat me to the punch, but gives me enough room to delight in the guessing games while I play with its patterns; all while leaving me breathless when I turn to the final page.

I’m also a writer. You know I won’t keep secrets, right? Everything you tell me will find bits and pieces in the things I put together. Just thought I’d throw that in there.

Still there? Wow.

What will it take?

Mr. Darcy.

Heard of him? Read it, it’s good stuff, made better with zombies. Eh, okay, guess you can settle for the movie version. I’ll forgive you for Keira Knightley.

Mr. Darcy is aloof enough to keep us interested, but knows when to let his guards down and let the girl in. He changes for Elizabeth, of his own accord, I daresay. He’s like a good book, you notice? A little on the rough side, but compelling, surprising, and manages to sweep me off my feet.

Are you up to the challenge?

No rush, I’ll just be here, reading.

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The Word of Mia: The Walk to Remember Formula

Warning: This is a work of satire. I know living with a terminal illness isn’t funny, but the movies make it a little too cool for comfort. So take this with a grain of salt, and I hope you laugh as hard as we did.

If you don’t know the movie, you’re not missing much. The girl has cancer, the guy is in love with the girl, they get married so at least they’re together when the cancer finally gets the girl. Oldbies would probably know this plot by a different title –

Which I haven’t seen but my Mom says I’m not missing much. I’m not exactly sold on their soundbyte either, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”? I know I don’t buy into that.

But what can these movies tell us about love and relationships? Terminal illness is a way to make a move. After all, you’ve got nothing to lose. Your health is failing, you can afford to laugh in the face of risk. As my fellow coffee cup relationship analyst, Pepper (the Kamikaze Pilot) observes, “If I knew I was dying, I won’t have time to be emo about rejection. Time is of the essence. In the event of success, he adds, “At least when I get to hell I can say I’ve had sex thousands of times in X days.”

This is the Word of Mia, with a little help from Pepper.

The Word of Mia: Wingmen vs. Kamikaze pilots

There are wingmen, and then there are kamikaze pilots. The wingmen make the opportunity happen like a good scene from a play. In tagalog layman terms, “May style”. In How I Met Your Mother, which popularized the term, a wingman opens with the classic, “Have you met ___”. The rest is up to you. It’s stylish, cool, and very sweet.

The Kamikaze Pilot on the other hand, finds out your crush, hijacks your cellphone while you’re talking to Crush, and says, “She likes you. What are you going to do about it?” The Kamikaze Pilot takes one for the team, and yeah, risks taking you down with him.

If the Wingmen play a board game approach to dating that includes making your monopolies for you, the Kamikaze Pilot plays the extreme sports doubles edition.

With thanks to Pepper Laforteza and Denice de Guzman for inspiring me to come up with these terms.