The Word of Mia: The Walk to Remember Formula

Warning: This is a work of satire. I know living with a terminal illness isn’t funny, but the movies make it a little too cool for comfort. So take this with a grain of salt, and I hope you laugh as hard as we did.

If you don’t know the movie, you’re not missing much. The girl has cancer, the guy is in love with the girl, they get married so at least they’re together when the cancer finally gets the girl. Oldbies would probably know this plot by a different title –

Which I haven’t seen but my Mom says I’m not missing much. I’m not exactly sold on their soundbyte either, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”? I know I don’t buy into that.

But what can these movies tell us about love and relationships? Terminal illness is a way to make a move. After all, you’ve got nothing to lose. Your health is failing, you can afford to laugh in the face of risk. As my fellow coffee cup relationship analyst, Pepper (the Kamikaze Pilot) observes, “If I knew I was dying, I won’t have time to be emo about rejection. Time is of the essence. In the event of success, he adds, “At least when I get to hell I can say I’ve had sex thousands of times in X days.”

This is the Word of Mia, with a little help from Pepper.